Posted 11:24 PM by jessica

Mail Order Baby?

Now, I have heard of mail order clothes, CDs, and, yes, even brides. But, never babies. In all fairness, it is not the baby that comes bubble wrapped and packed in liquid nitrogen, it is the sperm needed to create a baby. Wow, now that is one stop shopping. A lady that I know, and like, not that that has anything to do with it, has recently become pregnant using her mail order sperm. That's....different. Not good, not bad, just different.

Let's start at the very beginning(a very good place to start....ala Sound of Music). First, one must order a cataolg of prospective fathers, if you will. It contains a bio of each donor that includes pertinent health information, familial history, and tidbits of frivolous information as well. Then, one is free to spend hours and hours pouring over each choice trying to find the perfect genes for her potential future child. No pressure there, sha. Once a decision has been made, THE ORDER is ready to be placed. Now, this is where I would get a wee bit squirrelly. I am just not sure if I could place an order for two vials of love juice, that would be delivered to me in inconspicuous brown packaging, that I would try to create a baby with. I think I would just waltz on down to the bar, place an order for several drinks, and a sailor. But that's just me.

Once the package, wrapped in plain brown packaging, as not to look sinister, has arrived, the fun begins. Temperatures need to be charted, cervical fluid is to be pulled and stretched to test it's sperm carrying ability, and turkey basters need to be sterilized. When all signs point to go, crack open a bottle of bubbly, put on some Barry White and roll that vial between your hands to thaw those puppies out! Ten minutes later, you're laying back on your bed, legs propped in the air against your wall, having a smoke.

All kidding aside, it is just really odd that you can just order that through the mail though. For all y'all reading this as a how-to manuel, these are not scientific directions. :P As baffled as I am that this is even a possibility, I am very happy for my friend. :)

Note to Self: Read the labels on the freezer containers before defrosting for soup.